Today I saw my Pdoc. It's been 6 weeks since I've been in. He always triggers me and I end up being left while I am so upset and overwhelemed. Today he said about a mood stabilizer. He just told me to take it. One, I have never been on anything like this before. Two I am not sure why I am taking this s**t. He never explains it to me and is always behind schedule and is always rushing me out the door.

I'm not sure what to do now. Needless to say this is all driving me down, down the spiral of death. I hate myself for even needing any of the c**p. I'm feeling like I am so scewed up that I am unfixable unless I am drugged up.

I even tried to tell him about me not sleeping. Does he care? NO! Didn't even want to hear it. Just glossed right over it, like it was nothing. I am too afraid to speak up to him that I just let it go. I'm afraid of what he will do.

I feel very alone, sad, even sick in my stomach. IDK what I am doing anymore.. I sit and cry...nothing...I try to talk...nothing....I don't say anything....no one still cares...why am I even here if I am just going to be ignored??? That's my sign that I...can't say the words....what is so wrong with me????