ow - i am relatively hard on myself too - well - i will tel you the reason i am - in case its your reason too - just in case

I am being hard on myself in fear that if i don`t i`ll be the opposite! i control myself this way...so that i am clean of guilt - so MAKE SURE i do nothing wrong - i convince myself that i CAN do something wrong any time - and acting shy or withdraw. Like i can stress like crazy over an exam and to think i hardly work when i work hard - and feel lazy and stupid because of it - with a subconscious fear that if i let myself feel good about the work i do and calm - - then i don`t give a **** about anything any more...haha

It has been my motivation - my root thought from late childhood - maybe we all need to discover what motivates our to be hard on ourselves...because in any case if we continue a certain type of behavior of a while long enough to make it second nature or part of our "personality" - then we have a certain benefit form it...must have..bad as it may be...