I am not a regular drinker. I drink socially. Sometimes I drink too much. Sometimes I drink too much on purpose because it frees me. I lose my fear. I feel strong! My father is/was an alcoholic. My husband drinks daily, which is a totally different issue. Usually, I avoid alcohol because I have a very addictive personality. I'd rather not add to my existing problems with alcoholism, which I think is a very healthy reaction to alcoholism in the family.

Right this minute, I want to drink myself into oblivion. Alcohol sets me free...if I drink now, I'll probably regret it, but I'm not sure I care. I guess I'm desperate for some sort of release. Writing about it isn't helping. Talking to my husband is not helping. Talking to my friend, who also suffers depression, is not helping. If I start now, I won't stop until I pass out, but nothing else is helping and I really need my head to shut up.