when I get the urge its not because of self hate. its because so much is bouncing around inside my head that I need to release some of those feelings that come with it. before cutting my head is going every which way. During the act I am concentrating on the act not whats going on in my head and then after the fact theres this instant calm feeling of tangible realness instead of the intangible thoughts. its like you can physically touch something so you know it is real and so you can do something physically to fix it. the feeiling of cutting breaks past that feeling on numbness or fast forwards thoughts in my head. Its not like "oh I hate myself today so Im going to cut myself"