The longer I try to make this post, the more difficult it becomes. I'd just end up sounding like some self-pitying wuss. I went on for a while about all these positive traits I supposedly have. How I'm such a quitter and a failure, because I find it so difficult to put myself out there, be it university essays or talking to new people, that I give up before I even start to think about trying. Maybe three or four paragraphs of self-loathing nonsense.

I want to make it clear that I recognize all that I've been given. I have no illusions about how lucky I am. All of my problems are in fact my own fault, unlike many of you out there who are not to blame for your vulnerabilities. I have experienced no abuse, suffering or starvation, other than what I've done to myself. I am undeserving of all the talents and intelligence and health that I have.

By twelve, I recognized what a horrible place is Earth, how full of people in pain. By fourteen, I knew what happens when you die. By sixteen, I actively wanted death. I have no fear of it. I'm far more terrified of trying and failing.

So I drink. I do anything I can to keep myself distracted.

I can't do this. I can't sit here and talk about my philosophically driven yearning for death to so many people who have it worse than me. My problems are my own fault, and I have no right to ask for help. Good luck to all of you. Sorry for wasting...everything.