My T said something to me in T tonight that got me thinking. She said "I use you as a case study in my training all the time."

My T is only a part time clinician, albeit a really good one, she's also a researcher, author, and trainer of other T's and Dr.'s She's on the faculty of the local med pschool in the dept of psychiatry. She travels a fair bit delivering training on trauma and addiction.

I knew she's used me as a case study in the past, and I'm basically ok with it. I guess I just I didn't realize the extent of it. On the one hand it makes me feel good that T is thinking about me and ways to help me, when I'm not in session, and thinks that our work together can help other people learn. On the other hand, I don't like to think that my case is weird / interesting / problematic enough to be used as a case study. It makes me feel like my problems are maybe worse than I think they are (I do tend to minimize as a defense mechanism).

I never grew up thinking I'd be in therapy for 10 years or that I'd be a psych patient, or that I'd need meds to function. And now I'm a case study. It jsut feels weird.

--splitimage