(((((((((((((((((MUE))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that T's words left you feeling like a failure It sounds like you were working really hard, feeling lots of feelings, and being really honest. I can't think of a more "right" way to to therapy. I just want to reach through the computer and give you a big hug

My T and I have mixed feelings about using klonopin before a session. He wants me to use it if without it we will have to spend the entire session talking me down from a panic attack/extreme anxious state. Otherwise, I think he would like it if I wait until after session...but it's up to me. I REALLY don't think that taking something that takes the edge off enough to allow you to do the work is being a failure in any way, shape or form. I wonder if this is something you could discuss more with T??

And fighting like heck against the work in therapy....sounds like part of therapy to me. Not failure at all, but part of the process. It took a long time for me to be able to open my mouth and actually start talking about trauma/feelings/etc. A LONG time. And even then, it would take me an ENTIRE session (literally) to force out one sentence. Truly. But it didn't make me a failure...it was part of the process for me, and I couldn't have got to the point I am at now (where I am *usually* able to talk about things) without going through what I had to go through to get here. It takes what it takes. You are showing up, you are making huge strides in group, you are trying as hard as you can with T. How could that be failing??

You are working hard. Be gentle with you, MUE