What you said about hospitalization is really how I feel about it, as well. I'm pretty sure it's just about getting better, and I've never heard any horror stories. The freedom to stop hiding it all would be lovely. Also, I'm sure it'd be nice with all those people at least pretending to care. On the other hand, I would feel too guilty about the money to focus on getting better. I'm already enough of a burden as it is. As well, there's no booze in hospitals!

The point of life is to enjoy what you can, and endure what you must. Beyond that, it's really too subjective to answer.

I know you're having trouble getting a therapist appointment. I would really recommend that you give it, and medication, a solid effort. They're pretty much the easiest treatments you're going to find. I know I'd be dead by now if it weren't for Wellbutrin. Good luck!