I know something is wrong and has been since I was little. I have been through so much therapy in my 44 years that I am not sure what to do next. I do know this about myself:
1. I have adult ADHD and have been treated for it for about 2 years. I have seen some improvement in that area.
2. I have traits of Narcissistic, Histrionic and Borderline Personality Disorders. I was officially diagnosed with BPD with histrionic features when I was in a military psychiatric hospital (suicide attempt) when I was 19.
3. I was later diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after a suicide attempt that landed me in another psychiatric hospital when I was about 25 years old. I was started on Lithium and some other antipsychotic, but that didn't help.
4. I ended up in the hospital again in my 30's (threatening suicide) and the Bipolar Disorder was reversed and I was told that I was misdiagnosed.
5. I am a compulsive liar. I don't pay my bills on time even though I have the money. I buy things to make me feel better about myself. I make up situations in order to get affirmations or attention. I steal (that has gotten better with age). I am so afraid of abandonment that I smother everyone close to me. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I regret decisions I make all the time because I don't think about the consequences. I have been fired from jobs. I have problems getting along with coworkers. I am confrontational. I react with extremes when frustrated, irritated or feel like I have been unfairly treated. I am a back stabber and two-faced. I have double standards and I am a tattletale. I talk too much. I am constantly seeking approval, affirmations, fishing for compliments. I hate the way I look. I don't like my body. I feel like a failure 90% of the time the other 10% I feel like I am better than others. I stir the pot intentionaly. I am dishonest about my achievements, my resume, my past and accomplishments. I am scared and anxious all the time and worried about everything, especially getting exposed. I have conned people before, especially my parents. I am full of remorse and regret and guilt and I desperately want to change.
6. I was adopted when I was 4 weeks old. The only "diagnosis" that I can fully and completely connect with is ACS. Adopted Child Syndrome. But the psych world doesn't accept it.
7. I currently take Adderall and Wellbutrin.