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Mar 12, 2010, 11:56 AM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paddym22
No you are right, of course I didnt set out to contract the disease, it happened , the details of which are long forgotten and the person from whom I contracted the virus forgiven. I commend your mastery of the depressive cycle I will try to apply your methods as I do tend to debate and question the point of it all. I guess it is all the stigmas that are rolled into one that are sometimes hard to deal with, being gay, being HIV, having various mental Illnesses. It is simply too much for some people to bare and I dont blame them.
I do things like having a pill box schedule, alarm watch etc. to remind me to stick to my pill routine, but I really have to fight against the depressive mind games that are played out in my mind. Thats is where the real battle is. But life is as life is and it is not bad overall. I have a good life and good people around me, but I do feel different to them and not in a "poor me" way but more in a ''well thats there life, this is mine'' and if I stick to the additional things I have to do I will be ok.
I have one of my 48 hour flu like days today and am exhausted so I wont stay on too long, but thank you so so much for replying and reminding me what it is all about and how good life can be.
Fondest regards
Paddy
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   (((((paddy))))) You give me too much credit!  I like to say that "Depression may be my nemesis, but it will never be my master!" Unfortunately, I am not its master, either. Believe me, it pins me down to the floor of the abyss from time to time despite my rules and mind games, and it's a long crawl up the walls into the light again. I aim for the highest and purest philosophical perspective on things to fight the pull into the depths of that darkness, and just hope that I land somewhere in between. 
Personally, I have a much harder time dealing with the stigmas than my physical and mental infirmities. I agree that it is more than some people can handle and they must withdraw to their own level of comfort. Because of my immune-system disorder, I have frequent outbreaks of shingles (reactivation of the chicken pox virus that infects the nerve pathways) and some people are afraid that they might become infected with "something" just by being around me or even being in my home. I think for some people we remind them too much of their own frailties and susceptibilities. Although I understand how they feel, it just makes it so much more difficult to deal with my infirmities when I am being shunned by those who perceive them as being reason to suspect and defame the nature and quality of my character, especially when it is my own healthcare providers (mis)behaving this way. This is what allows depression to get a firmer grip on me than dealing with my infirmities. Plus, the stress of being mistreated this way just inflicts more damage on my immune system exacerbating those symptoms, as well.
I'm sorry you are fighting another "flu" right now. Just rest and do whatever it takes to feel better soon. I'll check in with you later. lynn09
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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