It will be 4 years and I am not handling it any better. It feels like she just died. I can't even get up to her grave, don't have money to get there. I'm estranged from my siblings. They made decision on their own to take her off lifesupport and then called to tell me she was dying I needed to get up there fast. Then they treated me like I wasn't a part of the family since that day. Even at the wake and funeral they barely talked to me. They talked amongst themselves and left me out. My sister told me the funeral plans by email. I didn't want to be involved in that I was too far gone. It wasn't expected her death and I'm still upset about why it even happened. It shouldn't have. I'm mad at everyone. I can't get over this. How long do I have to be in this pain.