Hey guy's, need to vent out . Been pretty down, things seem totally hopeless. A person only has so much strenght and I think I've reached my limit. I am endlessly crying. My flashbacks are pretty active and are easily triggered. I've got complex PTSD if one isnt enough. Whereas before I'd try to avoid thinking about things (by attempting to shove it out of my head which didnt work if I 'am totally honest, at least I tried) but now I just cant bother. Now, I am totally ambivalent. I think whats the point. Things just seem totally hopeless and given its going on so long I now believe they are not going to change and definately not given my luck. I've been living with this for 13 years, and I thought at this stage I'd have some handle but just as you get to grips and pull yourself up there's always someone or something that's going to set you back right where you started.

At this moment in time I feel so angry towards my treating doctors who misdiagnosed me, and one doctor in particular. I got access to my records today - she gave me them funnily enough - but I was part expecting the usual oh you cant have them cos it would be detrimental to you health (the usual thing you hear when you have a MH problem). Anyway, was reading the records and the more I was reading the more tearful and angry I was getting with her and the more questions I was having.

If I am honest I want to confront her in person to see how a diagnosis of PTSD can suddenly change to an adjustment disorder and also how she diagnosed me in the first place as their was no DSM criteria based assessment.

Dont get me wrong I dont want this to exact revenge or to put her in a disadvantaged position, but I do feel like I do have the right to get answers and she's the only one that can do this for me. I dont want this to escalate into a situation where I'd feel like punching her lights out. But this Doctor once sats in front of me and told me that she felt totally helpless (and its documented in the notes) and she didnt know what to do. My immediate thoughts was if you dont know what to do and your the doctor - what the hell am I going to do now. In being devils advocate, at least she knew her own limitations but at the same time its not something that a patient needs or wants to hear.

Would people consider this to be a good idea?

Anyway, thanks for listening.