((((MUE)))) I read along here and I loved Ts email to you. He is not giving up on you and is in it for the long haul. That sounds reassuring. I agree that building a deeper trust with him might allow you to access the feelings behind the wall. Do you find that the feelings and memories behind the wall seem to be in pieces and not quite clear to you and so you protect? I do that. I dont remember stuff so well, I am not clear about what I feel or felt in the past, I have parts that have access to feelings and parts that are dead, no reachable feelings at all. What I did with ftt, because I didnt want to start over and wanted to do the work,was tell her how my thoughts and memories are in pieces and I dont understand what or how to even work on this stuff that scares me to death. She was able to help with that. I think, for me, the baby step I had to take to build trust with her was to try try try to figure out what it is that I am feeling and take the leap and tell her. I have nothing to lose. Nothing at all. I protect myself, even from a T, when I fear that I have a lot to lose by revealing something. But what REALLY do I have to lose?

Maybe Im just rambling. I hope this makes some kind of sense. I relate so much to just automatically being in protect mode and the walls getting higher and higher.

I think T is right, tho, that as strange as it may sound, this is movement forward