I feel so angry and confused. T this week was intense even though we didn't go as deep as last week. But I felt like T was badgering me to try and get the right answers out. I don't know why I think the way I do. I just know that I do. I know that I feel awful and ashamed of certain things. I don't know where it came from though. I felt like T just wanted me to spit out the answers and I didn't know what they were. I felt like a failure. The other thing is that T seems to have changed her method of doing T 180' and I don't know what to do with this new style. I want to find out more about why she changed and ask her to go back to the old way. (or at least closer to it.) I know I asked her to talk more in T but it seems like she went off the deep end and now is talking more than I am. And all she is doing is demanding answers. Answers I don't have. It makes me feel like a failure.

I also want to find out if T is getting supervision. If this is why she changed. Did she change because she talked about me with someone else. While I understand the concept of supervision and its importance in the therapeutic process, and that identities are never reveled, it makes me uncomfortable. I've never had a problem with my Ts before getting supervision. And I think it is fine, I guess, if she is getting supervision on my case, I wonder what they say about me. I want to ask her if she is, but I don't know if I can. Maybe in a round about way.

I feel like I'm in a T mess. I want to be able to talk about these things with T, but at the same time I don't want to have to deal with it. Like I want to call and cancel the session this week. I know I wont do that, but I hardly ever feel this way. I'm dreading it and it isn't until Thursday. I feel all mixed up inside. I think next session is going to have to be spent at least partly dealing with the relationship. I don't know that I have ever had this much relationship problems with any of my other Ts. Why so much trouble?