I guess it is easy enough for me to think about it in terms of my processing what is going on now, with the course. Harder to think back more, though.

So... I know that just because I didn't like small group work doesn't mean that they won't. I should be open to trying different things more than I am. Try them and see how they go and ask the students how they find them.

And I know I'm perhaps having some issues around who's responsibility it is to motivate the students. I'm used to thinking 'if you don't want to be here then go away, i don't much care'. Then my time in the US, peoples parents pay a fortune... And you are expected to motivate them. and i guess i think the truth is somewhere in the middle... I mean I do try and get people to care about stuff that I find interesting... But I do think that students should also work hard out of some inner motivation and if they don't have that they should really rethink their decision to enroll in the class or even in university more generally...

The thing that seemed most insignificant was the boxes, though. At one point (when the stragglers came in) I knew I had to change something. And I sat on one of the boxes for a little to think before getting the students to rearrange their desks back.

The boxes were black. Like the ones that made up the stage when I was 11. The room was... In a basement. It was kinda dark. Not cold. Not ominous... But come to think of it is is kinda odd that it wasn't ominous. Given that it was kinda dark and in a basement. Dungeon. Maybe the students were anxious about that and ... Well that would make some kinda sense.

My supervisor was kinda encroaching in doing what he did. But I didn't mind, really. Wasn't his job, though. Maybe I should be less mad at the lecturer (I'm not really mad at her I know she means well and I like her a lot).

I've realized I'm up for a career change next. Realized that medicine is what I really want to do. So I wasn't upset with my supervisor for 'showing me how its really done'.

I don't know. I can only really think of it in terms of me processing stuff for the course...

With respect to how it relates to ongoing themes in my life... Or even some kind of interpersonal dynamic I'm not really sure... I do find fatherly guys to be kind of reassuring and calming... And I think the class did, too.

I need to get some sense of maternal / feminine caring... I don't really have a sense of that. The whole maternal breast thing... Blech. But I guess I have to find that for me... For my role in it all... Sigh.