While this isn't understanding or supportive I can't see this as abusive.

I have just seen it before where a person has built someone up to be this certain type of person and what was really going on was that the first person was projecting these negative qualities onto the other person. I have even been the victim of this projecting. I spend a lot of time volunteering and helping people but this person projected bad things on me. She projects bad things on everyone.

Everyone gets upset with things and I have seen where a person who is afraid of anger builds the other person up to be much nastier than they really are.

I have even done this. When I was growing up I was a follower who didn't stand up for myself ever. I got into a friendship with a girl and because I didn't stand up for myself I built her up as being much nastier than she really was. Everyone has a responsibility in a relationship and if one person is not going to stand up for themselves they are partially to blame. No one can take care of you but you. It isn't anyone else's responsibility. (Except if you are a minor).

Nothing is going to get better with your husband unless you talk to him about the problems.

Now if your husband is a wife abuser that is a different story. If this is the case you need to get out then.