Very good for being so honest Googley. I hope your T calls soon so that you 2 can work this out. Your words can express your pain or your tears. You just need a chance to do this with your T.

One thing that I had to learn and I am seeing someone else here on the psychotherapy forum learn right now, is that you cannot have a conversation with someone who isn't present. We all are really good at having a one sided conversation in our head and we let it run off into the deep end. I really had to learn that I cannot assume anything about anyone else. This other person needs to tell me. I have gotten really good at it (and this took time to stop doing it the other way). Now I never assume anything about anyone. Nothing is true unless it came out of their mouths.