Hello & Welcome, Applexmonster!

Applexmonster: depression has ruined my life
Rohag: depression strangled and ruined my career; it has greatly altered my life

Applexmonster: at no point have I felt I have escaped it [depression]
Rohag: at no point have I felt I have escaped it [depression]

Applexmonster: When I was younger I cut myself frequently
Rohag: I have never cut, but I have beaten and lightly injured myself during the course of what I call "episodes."

Applexmonster: ...sister...mother...father...
Rohag: I speculate my upbringing in a neurotic / dysfunctional home may have contributed to the intractability of my depression; I don't know.

Applexmonster: Got a boyfriend who is consistently supportive of me
Rohag: got a spouse and a mutant shepherd who are consistently supportive of me

Applexmonster: I currently see a psychiatrist who, while qualified, doesn't seem to be helping at all except for adjusting medications.
Rohag: I have a great, caring psychiatrist, who, apart from adjusting medications, probably keeps from from getting worse far more than helps me improve.

Applexmonster: Nothing seems to be helping.
Rohag: Nothing seems to be helping me improve; my drug cocktail and avoidance of stressful environments seem to keep me stable and limit "episodes" and dangerous situations.

Applexmonster: I am always always always sad or angry or numb. I think of suicide every single day.
Rohag: I am rarely sad, usually empty/numb, usually unfocused, have severe problems mobilizing and sustaining motivation, and rarely experience short but intense outbursts of mixed terror and rage. I am prone to suicidal ideation without intent.