I can relate to some of what you're saying.

I have been known to be so disconnected from my feelings....not being able to pinpoint things....not understanding myself....doing destructive things to escape "SOMETHING", but not knowing what....

It's extremely frustrating not to be able to understand myself. *sigh*

But I am also hoping that by continuing to see T, I will be able to - albeit slowly - start to get to the root of things, begin to feel more, to understand those feelings, etc.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I hope you find some peace with whatever route you decide to take. (( HUGS ))