(((((lonewanderer))))) *sigh* This is a sucky place to be in. Here's the thing about diagnosis: it's not real. It's just words. T's and pdocs are supposed to be experts but the truth is even they can't pinpoint a dx for a lot of people. Because people are people, and their issues are complex and no diagnosis is going to sum you up. Many very skilled therapists refuse to give a dx because it might not even be helpful. What helps is identifying what's keeping you from living the life you want to live. So going to a T with that, instead of seeking a diagnosis and a cure, is usually more helpful.

Like it sounds like some of what you'd go to a T with is:

1. Want to feel my emotions and not feel so empty
2. Want to stop acting self-destructively
3. Want to understand myself and learn to trust my own mind

Or maybe just knowing the problem for yourself, and saying to yourself, I want these things, will help you come up with solutions?