You are not stupid, you are just surviving. It takes lots of effort to end the cycle. But I can tell you this, if your friends are true friends, they will help you if they can and if they have the mental capacity to help. You never know what friends and family will say in this case. It may suprise you. Try to work on your fears of telling people with a Therapist. It does help. Try and figure out why you do SI, it will take time it took me 4.5 years to find out, and after I dealt with it the SI stoped. YOU can do it. YOU are NOT stupid. You can do anything you put your mind to. and remember don't quit when life gets to hard, that it seems like SI is the only way out. Find new ways to cope, your Therapist can help with that as well.