Jexa!!! Yeah!!!!!

I'm so glad you talked about your fear of abandonment with your T and that you were able to connect with her and see that she is not abandoning you. That is so much progress.

While it isn't exactly the same. I did have a point where I didn't think I was going to be able to get out verbally what I needed to talk about. So I allowed myself to do some free writing about it and then took that in to T for her to read. I didn't feel the pressure of having to have the right answer or know what was going on when I wrote, or the pressure of only having that 50 minutes to talk about it. I don't know if this will work for you, but I've used it in the past when I haven't been able to figure out what was going on inside. And even if you don't want to share what you end up writing, (as I have very rarely actually shared what I wrote,) it may give you a starting place.

Take care.