Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl
Please don't be hurt or insulted by what I'm about to say. It's just an observation to consider. Are you trying to avoid working on your own personal, difficult stuff? You seem to be spending a lot of energy on constant "ruptures" with your t. It makes me wonder if it is a way to avoid the real issues that are bound to be very personal and revealing. I guess, are you avoiding "you" and all that that entails by projecting all these issues onto your t? Because, like you said, you'll end up spending your session working on the problems with your to instead of working on you and your own issues. Just a thought. I could be totally off base here.
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While I'm trying not to feel hurt by what you said, it is hard. I can see where you are coming from, but think you are incorrect and are jumping to assumptions. I spent most of my life not knowing how I felt because it was the only safe way to get through. If I had known how I felt I never would have survived growing up. So everything got pushed down. Especially anger. Anger was dangerous and not tolerated. So being able to even recognize that I am angry is a really big thing. So while it may not be the exact topic we are working on (though there is a lot of anger there too) it is not a total avoidance. I used to never know I was angry and instead either became depressed or have urges to hurt myself. So for me recognizing that I am angry at my T is a big step. Especially since she is someone I want to please and have accept me. One of the people in a position of authority who by that automatically scares me. So it isn't the topic we were discussing, it is painful and distressing. That doesn't make it less important. The last time my T and I had a rupture she said that it was totally understandable because it was easier to push her away and be angry than it was to worry about what she might think about what I shared. I need to go at the pace I need to go at. So please don't judge me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
I would tell her that you felt badgered...........
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I will. I think she will be open to finding a happy medium. It was like I was in school and had to have the correct answers and I was just floundering.
Pachy and Blue-
I will try to ask her. I feel like unless I know I can't feel safe. I can't feel like what I've said is safe between us. That unless I do I will feel vulnerable.
Jexa- yes, easier said than done.