What is normal? How do we know when we're well? I've been unwell for so long that I'm not sure I remember what it means to be healthy. I have no idea whether my emotions are within the spectrum of normalcy, are a result of or are impacted by my illness. I am incapable of feeling any degree of sadness, anger or simple frustration without wondering whether I'm REALLY feeling it, or if it's just my illness dictating my reactions for me. When people ask, I don't know what to tell them. The last couple of people I've had to tell about my depression, I said something along the lines of "It was a serious problem, but I'm doing fine now." I wish I knew if I was telling the truth, or trying to downplay an illness that is entirely capable of wiping me out at any minute. Living in fear of depression's return ... is that normal, or another symptom? Maybe it's like when you get a new car, and suddenly you start seeing that car everywhere. It's not that everybody else has suddenly gone out and bought the same car, you just never noticed them on the road before. Will I ever be able to feel something without wondering whether my depression is involved?