Thanks everyone...... For your brave replies. And thanks for taking the time to read my post

***This response could be very triggering****

Googley, mortal fear, for me anyway, is the fear of death that is out of my control. That my environment is so unpredicatble, that I have great fear that I cannot manage it and will somehow die in the process.

I am not necessarily afraid of death, but am deeply afraid of being killed, and not being able to protect my family. Due to my inability to always be able to process my environment, I can feel very vulnerable. I am on alert for danger all the time. It is hyper-vigilance, born of a mixture of having a mother who told me she was going to end my life constantly, and the neurological inablity to process emotion. In other words, I cannot tell if a threat is real or perceived......

It is very tiring to be this way all the time......and due to my intense fear of being touched, especially by strangers, I hate the idea of being anesthetised and not being aware/in control of my surroundings.

Does that make sense? I am still trying to understand it myself.....

Thanks for asking,

Michah