I can not take the emotional stress from seeing my father decline anymore. I am essentially going it alone. I live alone, and I have few contacts. Thankfully I have a T and Pdoc, but seeing my T once a week and my Pdoc once a month does not give me enough contact to deal with this. To top it off I can not even let my emotions out to myself. I feel totally numb and want to SI instead of cry. I am also fighting the urge to SI, which makes it even harder to let my emotions out. I will be seeing my parents tomorrow. I will not show these emotions to either. My father needs my love, and my mother will not accept my father is dying. I just saw a listing of symptoms for pancreatic cancer and realized how many symptoms he has and is developing. He is dying when I do not know. I am hoping for enough strength to last until this crisis is over