I know that earlier in T, T actually LIKED it when I would get angry. He would always kind of have to cover his mouth to hide a smile - which would make me even MORE angry. I remember he used to tell me at every single session "it's okay if you get angry at me". Honestly, the first time I got angry was literally just because I was so sick of him saying that. LOL For real!!
The first time I was angry at T (my last T) she smiled when I got angry at her. Or she smiled that I could get angry at her. I don't remember exactly what it was about anymore. But I know she was happy that I was able to be angry with her. It is weird with my new T because the anger is somewhat different. It seems to pop out of nowhere. And I've only been seeing her since September, so the trust is thin still. I didn't get angry at my last T until I'd seen her for over two years.

Therapy is so different now that we've been together for so long. I do know that I am still allowed to get angry - and he is allowed to get angry at me too. It feels good to be able to be SO honest with someone and know that the relationship will still be there.

I know when I was a kid and I got mad bad things happened. It was usually in response to abuse and so really bad things were already happening. If I didn't let it continue, if I responded, my mom would then often progress to meaner things and threaten to kick me out. I guess I expect the same thing to happen with T.

Actually, I think that's how good relationships work. People can get angry at each other, and then they can work it out and the relationship can continue. I think so many of us have had such limited experience being in really healthy relationships, that it just seems almost impossible to believe it can work that way, you know?

I am SO glad T called and that you feel better.