thank you all so much. it really means alot that you all understand that she was my family. as a reply to lynn P. i wanted to tell you about us. when my dad drank heavily(more than he does now) i used to sneak out to the barn around 3am or so and talk to her and cry next to her. i even slept in her stall a few times. she was the best therapy ever. she would lie down next to me and rest her head on me. ive ridden a lot of horses and none of which were so loving. they were more like 'tools' for the equestrian world. i miss her alot. she used to let me walk under her and stand on her and she would take naps in the field and i would run out there and lay in the sun with her. she was literally my best friend. i dont go to the barn anymore. its only like 100 yards from my back door but i just cant do it. i cant even look into my backyard anymore(its a field with our 2 cows) without crying. thank you all for your support and kind words. its greatly GREATLY appreciated. hugs to everyone. i dunno what id do without all my friends here. you are all considered family to me ♥♥♥