|
K,
I love you. I want to tell you that my mood is not your fault my ability to talk is not because I hate you or don’t want to be close to you. I can’t. I am numb and overwhelmed with what I need to do to get better. The meds are working at making me have no feeling. I am ambivalent. I am numb I can’t seem to be able to do what I need to do. It is not your fault. The future is scary. I am depressed. When I talk to you you’re not giving me your full attention or you’re ambivalent and it comes across as disinterested. I know you want to help me and support me and I know you need my support and encouragement. Some space for me to deal with this and let me and my Doctors work on this and I could use your encouragement to do my home work.
I am sorry I don’t want to talk about what is going on in my therapy but it is for me to get better and I don’t know if sharing with you is what you need or I need. It’s my therapy and my work and we are trying to figure out what I need to be better. What ever better is normal, different, not what I have been. I have lived with myself for 42 years and know I need to become someone else that is a frightening. Please bare with me and encourage me to do my homework and give me time it is not going to change in a months it is going to take time, patience, understanding, and encouragement to change me to what society calls normal or what you will call stable. I don’t know exactly what my diagnoses is yet, I know Major depression, Post traumatic stress, and maybe bipolar, or borderline personality disorder. All I ask is don’t feel like it’s your fault or that I am angry or mad with you. I am not I right now am more emotionless than anything
K I love you and don’t want you to hurt so please be patient with me and know it is going to take time.
I love you,
S
|