Today marks a week since I last cut. That's the longest ever. But I'm not really happy about it. I'm really low, but not cutting. I've wanted to a few times, but I haven't. I still bang my head, bite my check, hit and punch myself to express anger, frustration and whatever other crap is in me at the moment.
But I've been thinking more about suicide... it's not a new idea and it's not a particularly vague one... ugh. I just don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to deal with getting worse, with getting better, with taking another step, breathing another breath. It's too hard to live and too hard to die. What's left?
I'm sorry to post this. But it's a hard thing to keep in inside of you.