Im pretty sure that good can come of opening up to *the right and trustworthy* people... they can help you have a better life

i feel fine right *now*, thoughts are 'calm' and 'normal' and i feel in control..today i spoke with my endocrinologist, found out my thyroid, operated on a year ago to remove a tumor, is fine! yay!

i expressed to her that i was hoping it would be 'unhealthy' as that would explain my weird thoughts and mood...

sometimes i become confused, my head foggs up, i struggle to remember, to focus... I get paranoid ideas, obsessive thoughts and massively depressed anxious affect and mood... suddenly the most minor twinge is a heart attack, a smile from a friend is them knowing that i will fail and reading my thoughts because they are talking to everyone else about me, i become a failure and life gets challenging... at the same time i tell myself 'no, why would they think that, who wants to talk about you, who has time in their life to bother with quiet unobtrusive me'...which doesnt help the self esteem...and i introvert despite attempts to maintain a social existance and stay involved and active...

she recommended seeing a gp especially to talk about the suspicious thoughts

...i feel silly for discussing it with her, shes the first person ive told...well verbally face to face...
and i have a theory that it might just be poor stress management and loss of focus that leads to the downwards spirals,

im struggling with the desire to not go spiralling down there again, and the belief that if i just manage my stress, stay calm, stay focussed then i can make it unassisted...
so half of me want to pursue help and the other half says go it alone.

what does anyone think?
can positivity, focus, goal oriented behaviour and forcing oneself to socialise keep you away from downwards spirals?