Quote:
Originally Posted by justfloating
What is normal? How do we know when we're well? I've been unwell for so long that I'm not sure I remember what it means to be healthy. I have no idea whether my emotions are within the spectrum of normalcy, are a result of or are impacted by my illness. I am incapable of feeling any degree of sadness, anger or simple frustration without wondering whether I'm REALLY feeling it, or if it's just my illness dictating my reactions for me.
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I also frequently wonder the same thing. I've been chasing 'normality' for so long now, that I can't even remember how what I'm searching for feels!! It's exhausting! Going round and round in my head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justfloating
When people ask, I don't know what to tell them. The last couple of people I've had to tell about my depression, I said something along the lines of "It was a serious problem, but I'm doing fine now." I wish I knew if I was telling the truth, or trying to downplay an illness that is entirely capable of wiping me out at any minute.
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I also downplay my depression. I hide behind this mask of normality (whatever that is! lol) and apparently it's quite convincing - my mother (who I live with and who sees me all the time) said to me the other day after I said something "Oh, are you still depressed then?!"
But I guess it's my own fault for wearing the mask... I think if nobody else thinks I'm depressed then I can't
really be depressed...and yet I don't feel any better...but does it really matter...?? I don't know what the answer to that is, still working on it.
I hope you have someone you can talk to eg good friends, T etc. I'm sorry that I don't have any answers for you, but maybe knowing that you're not alone might help in some small way
Take care justfloating
*Willow*