Jexa: thanks for helping to clarify the deferrment a little. It didnt quite make sense to me. Almost as if they deferred because something was there and they couldnt pinpoint what it was so dropped it. I dont know.

As for current Doc.... that is the problem. Mental health doc got me settled on a cocktail of Prozac, Geodon, and Depakote... but that was over a year ago since I last saw her. I have no way to pay what my insurance at the time didnt cover. So I currently have a burned bridge there thanks to my insurance.

Now was I experiencing issues that they didnt catch. Yes.... but at the time I was only 20 or so. I dont think I fully understood EVERYTHING that was going on. Yes, witnessing the abuse... and everything that stemmed from it, was bad, but I may not have realized all the other things that were going on that may have been caused from it.

I have had 20+ jobs in my life. Before the Army, they lasted an average of about 2 months. I would get into my depression... and simply wouldnt go to work. A few days later I would call them up... appologize... and get my final check. So I would say that yes... I showed signs. I just dont what the signs said... and I still kind of dont.

I am trying to get my inpatient psych records from the Army, but all I know about the Army DX was what I wrote, Axis I: Adjustment disorder with depressed mood. I am hoping that there is something in there showing maybe PTSD, even something written that shows they knew about my abuse if I mentioned it.

I am having a VERY hard time believing that if I did tell them about the abuse, they would have left my DX as is. But that is all I know. The mental health doc I saw here that put me on my medical cocktail...threw around Bipolar... may have mentioned it...I dont know. She obviously treated for it. I just dont know if it was ever an official Dx of Bipolar.

The military Docs... I am thinking they simply didnt push the right button... and ask the right question to get me to talk. There are more things that I STILL have a hard time talking about. Things it took years of marriage before I finally was able to tell my wife. Which means.... I OBVIOUSLY cant share them here...probably not even with time. The judgement I would get from others is something I cant deal with.

Constant job rotation...
Never had a girlfriend... only a wife
Extremely shy towards anyone that showed interest in me in high school
Zoned-out depressive moods for a few days at a time... typically 2 month cycle
All before I joined the Army

While in the Army I was a 'problem soldier'.
I self admitted to inpatient psych ward 2 times...
Got into a lot of trouble.. but never serious...
OD'ed on anything if I thought it would get me some sleep.
(This included 3200mg of motrin nightly)
(Up to 15 Melatonin)
(On 2 occasions I swallowed an entire bottle of St. Johns Wart.)
Carried around a box of whatever pills anyone would give me ...
suicidal ideation

How can all this go on... yet nothing be seen but Adjustment Disorder?