ron...I was thinking about this again last night, and I remembered something that worked for a friend of mine who was having similar problems...she and her partner set a "code word" and whenever she began to say things that were inappropriate or hurtful, her b/f would say the code word and they had agreed that if he said that word, she would take a "time out"...she usually went for a walk and then journaled for awhile; in her journal she would write out what she was feeling, what she thought her b/f could do to help her get through it, and exactly what she wanted him to know. It did help them a lot, so you could give that a try, you just need to be committed to stopping yourself and taking a breather if your partner says that code word. Best of luck to you!