Hi, I just spotted this post, I think back from Feb.

What a beautifully written post. You have the writing ability to illustrate things with such clarity that I think you are very gifted. And intelligent. I am glad you can recongnise this in yourself. And - I am glad that somewhere deep down you know that those things your mom is saying - are not true.

Self esteem grows and develops. Its like a muscle - so we need to practice it a bit to let it get stronger and carry us. Its hard to do that when you are being put down constantly and are constantly scared of what will happen next. Also - when we are told so many times that we are worthless and that our future is a failure - we believe it. Its called the self fulfilling prophecy. So even if these things are not true - we render them true and as we believe in them our path in life will be guided by this belief. Thats the sad part.

So - the good part is - you have a choice. You can choose - not to believe these statements. They are only a statement by someone mean.

The other part - is working your muscle so it grows - so find ways to increase and better the way you see yourself to yourself. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself 'I am pretty'. 'I am kind'. 'I am intelligent'. 'I am likable'. and so on.

You can also make a list - write down all the bad things she says and then against this list - write how you actually are. For example - She tells you you are stupid, horrible, worthless, fat, failure. Your good list - I am clever, nice, worthwhile, thin, a success.

The other way to increase self esteem is to protect ourselves from those who put our self esteem in danger - so if you know someone is hurting you - do not be around them. do not be their friend. if it is your parents - then tell your counsellor. The longer we are being told how horrible we are the more likely we are to believe it and our self esteem will be affected. Self esteem is good honey - it protects up. When we feel that it is low - we know something is wrong and needs to change. It does not mean that you will have low self esteem forever. It means you have to be brave and take the steps to grow that muscle.

I hug you xxx