Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this forum and am so glad to have found you all! I'm a nurse, and practiced nursing for 26 years before I had to go onto SSDI Disability b/c of heavy lifting, herniating disc, etc... I also have Fibro, Myofacial Pain Syndrome, Depression and severe chronic pain 24/7 for the past 8.5 years. Last Oct 2009, my mom became ill and was in the hospital for 10 days. She had to have an ICD Defibrilator implanted. It's going on 6 months since she's home and isn't recovering at all. I'v always lived on my own and I loved it! When I got sick and lost my job, I lost everything b/c of medical bills. I lost my home, fiancee, friends, etc... I had to move back home with my mom and s-dad. I grew up in a very dysfunctional atmosphere and have PTSD, alot of that stemming from my s-dad. We don't get along. I can see my mom going downhill fast, yet she's not one to really take care of herself, and since she got sick last Oct '09, she seems to have given up. She's only 69 years old. I hurt so bad on a daily basis that it's hard for me to get out of bed, but now it's become my resposibility to care for all of the cleaning, all of the vacuuming (which I've been instructed NOT to do at all), doing all of the laundry, etc... I feel like Cinderella. I pay them a good amount each month to live here, but feel so unappreciated. Does this sound familiar to anyone here? I am seeing a therapist, and her and all of my doctors have told me that "I Must get out of this toxic environment or I'll continue to get more ill myself." I am getting worse physically, and emotionally I'm starting to feel like a basket case. I cry most all of the time. I'm having panic attacks. The pain is much worse. I'm terrified that I'm going to find one of them dead b/c both are in such bad health. I found my real father dead in Dec 2000, on the second day at his house. I was going to live with him for a while. I never even unpacked.

I know I'll need to get my own place, but I have no money to move. My only income is from my disability once a month. I cannot get any type of Assistance b/c the DPA/DPW considers all of the person's living under the same roof as "my income too." It's so unfair. My meds alone cost me over $220 a month.

Tonight, a "friend" told me that I must get a place of my own, and that I may have to give up my dog. I have a 2 year old Pomeranian and I just love him. I feel that he's all I have and I feel that I'd have a breakdown if I lost him. I just can't lose my puppy!

Any suggestions, hope, your own stories, encouragement and guidance would be greatly appreciated!

Alexis