I've been in exactly your shoes and so have a few of my female friends. At least you are recognizing a bad pattern at such an early age, I'm 26 and I'm just now realizing it. a lot of us never do. It's a lot easier said than done, it's really really hard, but the key is to just not be with anyone for a while and figure yourself out (what you want/need for yourself and from a partner, what you can and can't accept, ect.). Also, force yourself to be more social. That's the hardest part for me, but I eventually managed to make a close group of friends, most of whom are far more social than me and now I know some really good men (who are married to my female friends) who happen to know other really good men. My friends have also helped me learn a lot about myself and have helped me become a stronger, more confident person... which happens to be really attractive to the kind of man I want to be with.

Truth is, unless you change how you project yourself to other people, you'll just keep attracting the same things that you don't want and you'll be treated the way you don't want to be treated. Controlling/suffocating men can be dangerous, so do be careful of that. They'll either use up all your mental energy till you have nothing left to give, or they can go down the more dark and violent route. Either way, it's no fun. If he doesn't make efforts to change, to work on his issues, then cut your losses.

He may be a good guy, he probably is. But right now he doesn't sound like he even knows himself well enough to even know what he wants, he's probably not capable of maintaining a healthy relationship right now... he probably doesn't know how to be in one. Sounds like you both may have the same problem. It doesn't make anyone a bad person, just means ya'll need to work on your issues either together or on your own... or both.