I have never thought of myself as disabled... I grew up with a mother whose mantra was "Suck it Up". I dont think she became 100% aware of mental health until my brother was dxed Schizophrenic. For me that was too late. I had already been acting out at home... punching holes in the drywall. But it was who I was. I look at these shows like Super Nanny and thank GOD that I wasnt like that. Somehow, reassuring me that I had a 'normal' childhood behaviour.

I have been to the County Mental Health over a year ago. My insurance that I had on my last job did not evidently cover all of my visits. I have a bill there that I cannot pay for. I have come here so that maybe I can learn a little more about mental health and SSDI. I am not against it. I am just petrified of it. It isnt something I can do now anyways. I would think it would be most beneficial if I was with a doc being treated for some time. I don't know. Right before I came back and posted this, I was learning the governments definition of disabled and its proof need in the 4 areas of functioning. I read through each of them... laughing because its like they took EACH one and pulled a little out of my life.... But on the other hand, I sit back and think.. "Yeah, I have that but it isnt that bad .." Its hard when you have a spouse. She supports everything about me, and never hesitates when I need help. She also has Multiple Sclerosis. My problems must not be that bad if she can deal with me on top of her MS.

I'm lost on everything and just don't know where to start.

As for VA, it is the fact that I have a General Discharge that is hampering me. That and the misconduct discharge. After thinking about my life while being on this site, I start thinking that the bucking up against authority kind of mindset is something I've had.... I just dont enough personal experiences from others, to know what to look for in myself. Does that make sense? All me and my wife know about Bipolar is me and my life. I don't know what was a normal experience and what was an episode.