I'm sorry to hear that you've been through so much.
I wonder why some people have to suffer so much, what is the reason?
I feel your pain of wanting a "normal life" and not being to achieve that.
It's very frustrating and depressing because we know we deserve it and is so hard when we feel it will always be out of reach.
Trust me, I feel lost and empty too, let's both try to hang in there.
I'll pray for that you get better soon....