He said a couple times he didn't want to retraumatize me. I don't understand what that means.

He's going to call me after work today. He said he talked to some people about what they can do for me. I'm kinda scared that they're going to lock me up or something. I feel like I must be crazy.

2bpainfree's hubby talked to mom about my alters yesterday. She was wondering why most of my alters are male and thought it has to do with me wanting to have been a boy since I was little myself. Also after he told her that Yul is my angry one and he's never met him just heard about him, she said that he's ALWAYS at home. Which that always part can't be true of course, but I highly doubt he's out at all at home. If he was I think there'd be physical signs. Like a broken fist from pounding the crap out of stuff. Just going off of how he talked in chat once when he was triggered out. I keep getting lectured for my "attitude" so I'm thinking maybe it's a teen that's out most of the time? Probably female since it's an "attitude". It just bothers me when mom tries to understand. She keeps asking about my imaginary friend Rocky. No mom Rocky's imaginary and not an alter. He's not real just someone who kept me from being lonely when we lived in total isolation from the rest of the world in California. I miss that place but oh wells.

Last night 2bpainfree asked me a question I wasn't sure how to answer. I wasn't sure what the answer is actually. I "know" that DID isn't formed in adulthood but can events in adulthood make DID more complicated and disturb the inside way enough to make it noticeable to the host? Her question was about trauma that happened 2 years ago, if that caused my DID or if it just made it worse? I'm thinking it just made it worse but I don't know if that's what made it noticeable or if it was the inability to meet the demands at work emotionally that brought it to my attention that something isn't right. I've always been depressed and just well "me", what that "me" is I still don't know lol (I've been labeled as having identity issues by T's who don't believe in DID) and I had found PC when googling "am I crazy?". Does anyone have the answer to pain's question?