(((Salukigirl))) - it all depends how you feel about death. When I was 24 I saw my first dead person and it really shook me up. But as I matured and my mother became disabled from several strokes, something happened, where I was better able to handle seeing a loved one, in a debilitating state. I don't think we handle death well in N. America. I was glad I was there when my mother passed.

If you're strong enough, then do what your instincts tell you, not what others tell you. It's true she won't know if you come or not, so this won't be for her - it would be for you. If you don't think you're strong enough, then don't go - it's not selfish. I just think we need to have a better attitude towards death - it's the natural circle of life and it's okay. I don't agree that you'll always think of her, as she looked on her death bed. Personally I just need to be with my loved one during that time. Trusts your instincts and no one will judge you in what decision you make.