Thank you all so much for the kind responses ((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))

I just got home from classes and my walk, my feet are a bit sore, I went straight from campus to the trail, I just couldnt' wait, and I knew if I went home to change into better walkign clothes I would never get myself back out of the house, so I just went for it, I barely had the car parked and off by the time I hopped out the door and took off.

I feel a bit better, and I ate a little bit, i take my lunch with me to campus and made myself eat at least half my sandwhich, the weirdness with food is weaning a bit, I am nibbling on an orange right now.

I just feel so all over the place, one minute I'm okay, the next I feel like I'm going to explode, and underneath it all is a sort of sadness, I wanted to just start crying on my walk, and I did for a bit, I'm sure I looked like a mess, like a sore thumb, a bad out of place scenairo on that walking trail, my make up all smudgy, in my nicer clothes and just crying and walking as hard and fast as I could, trying to concetrate of just the sound of my feet hitting the gravel and keeping a rythym.

, I hate when I get like this, I thought I was getting back on track, yesterday after a week spend being low I felt good normal, in line, not that I'm out of control right now, I keep a tight reign on myself because I know I could very easily loose control and make bad self destructive decisons

I said it earlier today I feel like a snake shedding it's skin and halfway through I got stuck, I'm half way in the clear, and half way stuck in the past and in my demons,

I wonder if all the work I'm doing in therapy, and all the rebuilding I"m doing in my life has triggered my mood swings and this "spoiled milk" mania, like my mind doesn't know how to handle the changes so it's going in loops and making me buzz like chaos...with my demons snapping at my heels

As Sir Winston Churchill said: "When you find yourself walking through hell, keep going.."