I don't know how to reach out for help, I don't know if anything I feel is justified, maybe I am the problem, maybe I don't deserve love and support. It seems that whenever I have a really bad day with depression, I do something wrong because I don't respond the right way to anyone. People get mad at me for not cheering up and responding the way they think I should. I'm having trouble just keeping myself alive, but it's more important for me to worry about how everyone else feels about it?! I'm a people-pleaser, so this really throws me into a desperate place.

I've been sick with MDD for almost 2 years now. I hate to ask for things, and the longer this goes on, the harder it gets to even justify asking for understanding. But all alone I won't make it. I don't know what to do.

Sorry, this makes no sense...
I've tried to start a thread so many times, it all just sounds like I'm complaining for nothing. I just wish I could stop this overwhelming feeling of desperation - although I swore I wouldn't cut again, it's getting harder and harder to be like this and not do anything, not feel anything but hopelessness. I know it won't solve anything, but maybe it would snap me out of this darkness. But not today, if I can only make it through the night...