I understand exactly what you're saying about 'making him well rather than keeping him comfortable'. I think you're handling this very well, in recognizing your father, might not be getting everything he needs. Good you're going to be there, to see the nurse. It's also good you trust your BIL and I think you should confide in him, your concerns. 67 years married - that's wonderful. Would your Dad speak up for himself if he needed to?