I'm not sure if this relates...but when I was a little kid and even as recently as 2 years ago, I'd make deals with myself like: "When I turn 8 years old, I'll kill myself, because I don't want to live past then"...things like that.

I think it was part of my OCD, making "deals" with myself in order to be comforted so that I'd never have to face the responsibilities and stress that come with growing older.