it hurts to read your post, i too deal with the pain your going with, we all do. do you have a support system-family,friends- that can help bolster you up during this? i too feel the worthlessness you described, it is soo hard, but your as special as anyone else, please hang in there, hope your family can be support to you thru this, hope to read soon that your doing better and things are looking up, take care