((((Peaches))) I think we have the same mother. My mother had a Narcissistic Personality Disorder so she did not have capacity to see anything if it wasnt in terms of herself. She just didnt have the ability to do it. And I structured my life around what she needed from me (as a child, anyway).

As a adult, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds so incredibly painful and the more you are aware of her selfish behavior, the more painful it can be.

I think, for me, it has been to acknowledge the loss of something I never really had. Its a painful loss. A void. An empty place where a mother's unselfish love should be. No conversation with her is going to change who she is. I think it is more acceptance and grieving for what I (you?) wanted and and never had. Not just for something that was lost, but grieving the fantasy that it would ever be different and I could ever get the love from her. I never had it and I never will have it, not the way I needed it or wanted it. Its a very sad, slow process this grieving, but I thonk with grieving comes the freedom to not expect her to be any different and to see her behavior as her behavior and having little to do with me and my worth. It may be easier to deal with her when you can take that step back and realize who she is and that she isnt going to be any different even though we might crave her to be. Mom isnt going to be the good mommy we always wanted. I am so so so sorry, Peaches I am going through the same thing with my feelings about my mother.