I know the feeling of wishing you could have said something to stop it. A few years ago I did not pick up the phone when my friend Aaron called. I was deep into depression and was hoplessly lost at the time. The next morning I listend to the voicemail and it was Aaron appologizing for any wrongs he had done. No sooner than the message ended I got a call from his mother.

He killed himself not more than 10 min after he called me. I still feel responsible for his death. I was not there and did not listen to the cry for help.

Aaron and I were alot alike. We both suffered from bipolar disorder. We shared our sense of lonliness, and isolation.

I still feel like the lost person who really has no one that cares for them. It seems that every time I start to make progress, something gets in the way. I wish that I could have been normal, but that was not my lot in life. I am now 31 and have a hole in my soul that I only dream of bieng healed.

I guess I wanted to say that if you need some one to care about you, I will. Sometimes it just helps knowing that there is a faceless person wishing you well.