It always saddens me when I create a post like this because I know of so many who have been through so much more than I. It makes me feel pathetic, really. But this is still basically about how I am in a really really bad place right now, just really beat down and out of hope and I guess I just need to feel like someone can hear me.

I've lost my insurance benefit because my doctor has taken emergency leave and is no where to be found to complete the paperwork I need, let alone see me for treatment. I have no idea how long I will have to wait. 2 days before I was supposed to see him he just up and took off and there is no one to take his place.

My computer is dead. I think I fried it doing something stupid but it's old so it may be coincidence. (Fortunately, I at least have access to one temporarily.)

I am too down to want to do anything at all even though I have all day to do it. There are still dishes in the sink from yesterday and it's 7:45pm.

I could go on with several other things, all seeming to happen at the same time. I'm not the biggest cheese fan but I'll accept some crackers to go with this instead. I know things could be worse. But I feel so much despair and so much numbness to the outside world I want to run away and hide and scream for help at the same time.

I'm sorry. But I had to say something.