EnglishT - Thank you. I am very sad today. I was very angry earlier - I was walking down to the station and remembered how he told me one January night - freezing cold night - to walk that rd home by myself. we live in the middle of no where and it a narrow country lane with no lights. I came back from work at 8pm and asked him to pick me up from the station but he kept shouting and me and told me to walk on my own and next time to take a torch. I was livid. So walking down this rd today (though it was sunny lunch time) it really triggered me. And I felt so angry. I actually called him - and told him i m walking down the rd and cant help remembereing that. he hung up on me.

Now its quite late at night and I just feel so sad. I keep bursting out crying and I just feel that that man that was kind, loving, sweet and funny is gone. The man I fell in love with and loved for 7 years and that was my life and i thought my future too - is gone... Its just breaking my heart. All this abuse and all this pain.... I did not sign up for that. I keep having flashbacks - also of things that did not seem abusive at the time.... Its not that I feel weak - I dont. I just feel so betrayed.

Graciemi - thank you. I would have gone there only I since realised that in addition to having a drinking problem he has an abusive man problem. I started going to an abused women group. Thank you for the post! I really really appreciate it xx